Kita semua tentunya pernah disakiti, baik secara fisik ataupun emosional oleh orang-orang di sekeliling kita, kadang mungkin hal ini terjadi dalam konteks hubungan dengan orang tua yang tidak ideal dan memberikan luka mental pada diri kita, bisa juga dalam konteks hubungan dan keputusan yang tidak adil dalam hubungan dengan co-worker atau boss, atau bisa juga dalam konteks relationship dimana dulu mungkin ada dari kita yang pernah dikecewakan oleh pasangan.
Unfairness is part of the human condition. You can’t live on this earth for long without feeling like someone has treated you unfairly.
Ilustrasi – Seorang pelawak di kafe menceritakan lelucon dan semua penonton tertawa. Beberapa saat kemudian, ia mengulangi lelucon itu, namun kali ini hanya beberapa orang yang tertawa. Lima menit kemudian, ia mengulangi lelucon itu lagi, dan tidak ada orang yang tertawa. Lalu pelawak itu berkata, “Bila kita tidak tertawa berulang-ulang untuk lelucon yang sama, lalu mengapa Anda terus menangis untuk masalah yang sama?”
Ketika saya mendengar ilustrasi ini, saya jadi ingat dengan pengalaman kegalauan atau kesakitan yang saya alami dulu, baik dalam konteks pekerjaan, relationship atau family. Terutama bagi orang yang melankolis, seringkali kita malah suka menyelami pengalaman-pengalaman yang menyakitkan ini, karena hal ini juga lagu-lagu bernuansa sedih sangat digandrungi oleh orang pada umumnya. But we have to understand that to heal a wound, you need to stop touching it. Karena itu menurutku sama ibaratnya dengan Happiness, Sadness is also a choice.
So, Why we need to forgive?
Forgiveness can’t be done based on logic and fairness, We forgive them not because they deserve forgiveness, but because we deserved peace and to be set free.
Supporting Verse – Saudara sudah dipanggil untuk menjadi orang yang bebas. Tetapi janganlah memakai kebebasanmu itu untuk terus-menerus melakukan apa saja yang kalian ingin lakukan. Sebaliknya, kalian harus saling mengasihi dan saling melayani (Galatia 5:13).
One of my favorite moment in “The Machine Gun’s preacher” movie, which is based on true story mengenai kisah perjuangan Sam Childers, seorang Pendeta yang mempunyai calling untuk menyelamatkan anak-anak di afrika dari LRA yang menculik dan mendidik anak-anak disana untuk menjadi child soldier.
Memorable Scene ini bercerita mengenai Sam Childers yang sedang mengalami breakdown karena pelayanan yang dia lakukan membuat kehidupan pernikahan dan finansial dia menjadi retak, dan disaat dia lose himself karena mengalami struggle ini, ada satu anak yatim (yang orang tuanya dibunuh secra keji oleh tentara LRA), yang menghibur dia, memeluknya dan berkata : “If we allow ourselves to be full of hate, then they have won. We must not let them take our hearts.”
Dalam suatu masalah dengan orang lain, disaat fokus kita hanya ada dalam “kesakitan” dan “hate”, kita tidak akan pernah merasa adanya damai sejahtera,
Kalau kita hanya fokuskan perhatian kepada kesakitan itu, ibaratnya seperti si pelaku telah menusuk kita dengan pisau, dan even setelah si pelaku sudah pergi dan hilang dari hidup kita, “pisau” itu masih menempel di tubuh kita, dan kita akan terus membawanya jika kita tidak lepaskan pengampunan.
Putuskan pengampunan, bukan karena mereka layak mendapatkan itu, tetapi lakukan itu untuk diri kita, agar kita bisa bebas dari rasa benci dan beban yang tidak berkesudahan.
Pengampunan tidak bisa terjadi jika kita bersifat pasif dan menunggu si pelaku untuk minta maaf terlebih dahulu. Kita harus mengerti bahwa orang tersebut mungkin tidak akan pernah meminta maaf terlebih dahulu, karena mereka tidak mengerti dan sadar akan apa yang mereka telah perbuat kepada kita. Jadi, yang kita lakukan adalah kita terus memegang luka itu terus-menerus dan alangkah sedihnya apabila si pelaku ini sudah meninggal, dan kita bisa stuck selamanya dengan beban luka dari si pelaku.
Pengampunan juga bukan ”one-time event” – Seringkali terjadi dalam hubungan dengan family, pasangan, siblings atau orang-orang terdekat dengan kita. Hidup penuh dengan yang namanya proses, Saya mengalami hal ini dalam hubungan dengan family, dimana ada kalanya kita harus melakukan proses pengampunan ini berulang kali, dan melalui proses itu, perlahan tapi pasti akan terlihat buah-nya.
Supporting Verse – Bahkan jikalau ia berbuat dosa terhadap engkau tujuh kali sehari dan tujuh kali ia kembali kepadamu dan berkata: Aku menyesal, engkau harus mengampuni dia (Lukas 17:4)
How to Forgive? TIME is still the best answer, FORGIVENESS is still the best pain killer and GOD is still the best healer.
Disaat kita merasa tersakiti, tentunya kita butuh waktu untuk mengetahui kapan timing yang tepat bagi kita untuk mempunyai hati siap untuk memaafkan orang tersebut. Ibaratnya dengan luka fisik yang kita alami, tentu memerlukan waktu dan proses pemulihan, dan disaat kita mulai berani untuk melepas pengampunan, mendoakan yang terbaik kepada orang yang berbuat salah kepada kita, disaat kita lakukan itu luka yang ada akan perlahan sembuh, Tuhan akan menguatkan kita disini. Ingat dan pegang janji Tuhan dalam hidup, dan terutama akan Kasih Agape yang telah diberikan Tuhan kepada kita.
When you struggle with forgiving, you have to remember the great gift of God’s forgiveness to us in the first place.
Jesus said this even in the most extreme of circumstances, as he’s hanging on the cross: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34a NIV). Ingatlah akan hal ini disaat kita mengalami kesusahan untuk melepaskan pengampunan kepada orang-orang di sekeliling kita.
Bagaimana kita tahu kalo sudah mengampuni? Kita tidak akan memikirkan si pelaku terus menerus, hal ini sangat obvious terutama di era social media, dan juga Kita tidak ingin melihat si pelaku celaka, dan ada rasa damai di hati dan pikiran disaat kita berpikir mengenai pengalaman yang ada.
When people hurt you, they expect you to retaliate and seek revenge. A common story dalam film kungfu dan cowboy di Hollywood, dimana prinsip “mata dibalas mata” berlaku. But God wants you to do the exact opposite. He wants you to respond in love. Respond to mistreatment with love, and you keep the other person from controlling you.
But we have to know, just because you respond to an offender lovingly doesn’t mean you continue to allow injustice. On the contrary, we must try and lovingly seek justice. We must work for justice in the world without retaliating. The Bible commands us to “be fair-minded and just. Do what is right!” (Jeremiah 22:3a NLT, second edition)
Martin Luther King Jr. was a great example of this. He fought against injustice without violence. He overcame evil through the power of love. He followed the example of Jesus, who chose to forgive his persecutors even as they were killing him.
That’s our calling as followers of Jesus. Unfairness and injustice may be part of the human condition, but we must not feed into it. Instead, God calls us to respond in love. Love never Fails!
Kalau suatu hari ada seorang yang menyakiti hati kita, dan kita ingin membalas hal itu, itu akan menyebabkan mata hati kita menjadi buram dan membuat kita tidak bisa mendengar suara Tuhan. Hal itu akan membuat kita insecure dan membuat kita melakukan hal yang tidak perlu, Lepaskan pengampunan dan kita akan memegang kendali atas hidup kita, dan mata hati kita akan tetap bersih dan kita akan dapat melihat jauh dan hidup dalam kekudusan.
Closing Verse :
Ibrani 8:12 – Sebab Aku akan menaruh belas kasihan terhadap kesalahan mereka dan tidak lagi mengingat dosa-dosa mereka.
Efesus 4:32 – Tetapi hendaklah kamu ramah seorang terhadap yang lain, penuh kasih mesra dan saling mengampuni, sebagaimana Allah di dalam Kristus telah mengampuni kamu
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