JPCC Kota Kasablanka Service 1 (19 Agustus 2018)
Tema bulan ini merupakan tema yang tidak mudah dan sampai hari ini, masih saya usahakan untuk terus lakukan, yaitu tentang Family atau Keluarga. Saya sangat terberkati dengan apa yang dishare oleh Sidney Mohede minggu lalu. Kita belajar untuk mempunyai komunitas yang sehat, mempunyai nilai di dalam keluarga serta have fun di dalamnya, belajar untuk punya kebiasaan-kebiasaan yang baik, serta bagaimana kita sebagai orang tua bisa menjadi role model kepada anak-anak kita. Apakah “film” kehidupan yang kita pertontonkan bagi anak-anak kita?
Ada banyak anak-anak muda yang saya temukan tidak ingin menjadi seperti orang tua mereka, tetapi mereka hanya punya harapan dan tanpa sungguh-sungguh belajar untuk melakukan hal itu, kita harus belajar karena tanpa pengetahuan kita tidak akan menjadi lebih baik.
Hari ini saya akan memulai sharing saya dengan Pernikahan, karena itu merupakan awal dan fondasi dari sebuah keluarga. Bagi yang belum menikah, beruntunglah anda karena bisa belajar hal ini sekarang. Penting untuk bisa menemukan pasangan yang bukan hanya sekedar seiman, tetapi juga sepadan dan punya 1 tujuan.
Ibaratnya sama seperti sebuah games, saya begitu menyukai olahraga, dan salah satu olaharaga yang saya tidak mengerti dulu adalah Golf. Saya tidak mengerti kenapa itu disebut olahraga sampai saya memulai belajar untuk memainkan olahraga tersebut. Saya temukan bahwa Golf adalah salah satu olahraga yang paling sulit yang pernah saya mainkan sampai saat ini.
Kita tidak akan bisa menikmati sebuah pertandingan kalau kita tidak tahu aturan main-nya seperti apa, begitu juga di dalam pernikahan.
Opening Verse – Hendaklah kamu semua penuh hormat terhadap perkawinan dan janganlah kamu mencemarkan tempat tidur, sebab orang-orang sundal dan pezinah akan dihakimi Allah. Ibrani 13:4 TB
Kata Hormat ini didalam bahasa aslinya berarti sesuatu yang sangat mahal dan berharga, kita harus memperlakukan pernikahan juga seperti itu. Jika kita punya harta benda yang sangat berharga dan tinggi nilainya, kita akan menyimpan itu di tempat yang semestinya, dipertontonkan dengan bangga, dan akan dirawat dengan sungguh-sungguh. Tuhan mau kita memperlakukan pernikahan kita seperti itu.
Banyak orang yang membanggakan keberhasilan mereka di dalam karir, bisnis, pelayanan, tetapi saya jarang menemukan orang yang membanggakan pernikahan mereka. Banyak orang mengivestasikan tenaga, uang dan waktu pada hal-hal yang sifatnya di luar rumah, tetapi tidak diinvestasikan terhadap hal-hal yang ada di dalam rumah seperti pernikahan. Kita bisa berhasil di luar rumah tetapi jika kita tidak berhasil di dalam rumah, kita akan menjadi malas pulang.
Banyak orang yang berhasil di luar dalam hal karir, usaha dan pelayanan, tetapi mereka malas pulang ke rumah. Kaki mereka seperti berat untuk pulang ke rumah. Tidak heran kalau itu terjadi, karena mereka hanya berivestasi di luar rumah, dan tidak di dalam rumah mereka.
Saya harap di tempat ini, akan muncul pasangan-pasangan yang bangga dan berhasil di dalam rumah mereka, karena jika mereka berhasil di dalam rumah mereka, akan mudah bagi mereka untuk menjadi berhasil di luar rumah mereka.
Kemana anda berinvestasi kesanalah perhatian anda letakkan.
Pernikahan yang sehat akan menciptakan atmosfir yang baik dan sehat bagi anak-anak mereka. Damai sejahtera dan ketenangan akan timbul di dalam keluarga, sehingga kita bisa mendidik anak-anak kita dengan baik.
Supporting Verse – Di mana ada kebenaran di situ akan tumbuh damai sejahtera, dan akibat kebenaran ialah ketenangan dan ketenteraman untuk selama-lamanya. Yesaya 32:17 TB
Jika di rumah tidak ada ketenangan dan ketentraman, anak-anak tidak akan menjaid betah di rumah, dan akan berkeliaran seharian di luar seperti malls. Di luar sana, mereka akan berinteraksi dengan siapa saja, dan menarik orang-orang yang serupa dengan mereka, jadi berinvestasilah di dalam pernikahan kita masing-masing.
Cinta saja tidak cukup, kita bisa mencintai sesuatu dengan luar biasa, tetapi jika kita tidak tahu bagaimana cara memakainya, kita tidak akan bisa mengfungsikan itu dengan baik. Seperti hal-nya Mobil Tesla yang banyak orang suka, tetapi tidak tahu bagaimana mengoperasikan mobil tersebut.
Sama seperti pada saat kita menyambut anak kita, kita begitu mencintai anak kita, tetapi jika kita tidak tahu bagaimana cara membesarkan mereka, kita akan menjadi frustrasi. JPCC ingin mencetak generasi bintang, maka kita harus bisa mengerti bagaimana menjalankan hal itu, meskipun itu tidak mudah.
Banyak orang tua jaman sekarang berpikir bahwa menjalankan peran mereka sebagai orang tua adalah dengan memanjakan mereka dengan penuh kasih sayang, seperti memberikan mereka apa saja yang mereka mau.
Supporting Verse – Didiklah orang muda menurut jalan yang patut baginya, maka pada masa tuanyapun ia tidak akan menyimpang dari pada jalan itu. Amsal 22:6 TB
Pendidikan Kehidupan adalah tugas dari orang tua, bukan dari seorang Guru atau Baby Sitter. Tugas Guru adalah membantu orang tua dalam memberikan pendidikan akademis, tetapi pendidikan kehidupan hanya bisa dilakukan oleh orang tua mereka sendiri. Baik untuk Ibu dan juga Ayah-nya, yang dibutuhkan bukan hanya liburan, mainan dan makanan yang enak, tetapi adalah untuk punya waktu bersama dengan mereka, baik secara fisik dan juga secara mental.
Sharing Ps. Jeffrey – Saya dan istri baru pulang dari sebuah perjalanan yang cukup panjang di eropa. Sepanjang perjalanan pulang, kami berdua tidak bisa tidur selama 12 jam. Saya berencana untuk mencicil bahan yang saya akan sampaikan hari ini di pesawat.
Begitu sampai rumah, anak saya yang kecil dengan begitu excited mengajak saya untuk berenang bersama-nya. Sejujurnya, yang saya butuhkan saat itu adalah tidur, dan selanjutnya menyelesaikan kotbah yang akan saya sampaikan hari ini. Tetapi anak saya yang kecil begitu ingin berenang bersama saya. Saya meminta dia untuk mengijinkan saya tidur sebentar dan setelah itu barulah kita bisa berenang bersama.
Sebagai orang tua, saya bisa saja mempunyai alasan yang penting seperti menyiapkan kotbah, tetapi saya tahu bahwa tugas saya yang terutama adalah sebagai seorang ayah, dan melihat dia begitu bahagia, membuat tidur saya yang tidak cukup menjadi seolah-olah cukup. Disaat yang sama, saya juga ambil waktu disaat berenang untuk ngobrol dengan dia, saya bersyukur bahwa saya telah mengambil keputusan yang tepat. Dengan berenang selama lebih dari 1 jam, saya bisa mengetahui semua update dari anak saya selama saya tinggal ke eropa sebelumnya.
Ada 3 hal yang saya mau sampaikan kepada anda semua, untuk dipunyai di dalam sebuah keluarga :
1. Discipline
Anak-anak dan orang tua jaman sekarang semakin kurang untuk mengenal kata ini. Discipline adalah sebuah gaya hidup, dan taat aturan. Semua juara kenal akan hal ini. Disiplin penting dan harus dikembangkan dari sejak muda, tetapi yang tersulit adalah mencotohkan disiplin. Baik di dalam hal waktu, keuangan, belajar untuk mengembankan bakat, dan juga berhubungan dengan Tuhan.
Saya bersyukur bahwa saya bisa disebarkan oleh orang tua yang sangat disiplin, saya kenal akan banyak hukuman yang diberikan orang tua seperti hukuman rotan. Disiplin adalah hal yang sangat penting dan tidak dapat ditegakkan tanpa adanya teguran.
Kita harus berani untuk memberikan teguran dan hukuman, sehingga mereka bisa belajar untuk bertanggung jawab. Kedewasaan tidak datang dari umur yang tua, tetapi dmulai dari keberanian untuk bertanggung jawab, bahwa ada konsekuensi yang terjadi apabila mereka tidak taat aturan.
Lebih baik mereka menerima hukuman di dalam rumah, daripada mereka menerima hukuman di luar rumah. Hal itu lebih menyakitkan bagi mereka dan juga kita sebagai orang tua.
Supporting Verse – Didikan dan teguran menjadikan orang bijaksana. Anak yang selalu dituruti kemauannya akan memalukan ibunya. Amsal 29:15 BIS
Tertibkan anakmu selama masih ada harapan; kalau tidak, berarti kau menginginkan kehancurannya. Amsal 19:18 BIS
Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives. Proverbs 19:18 NLT
Alkitab memberitakan begitu banyak aturan main untuk menjadi seorang suami, istri dan orang tua yang baik. Yang lebih penting, berikan pengertian kenapa anak kita harus kenal apa yang namanya Disiplin, dan kenapa ada hukuman disaat mereka tidak tertib. Jangan sampai sebaliknya hal ini menyakiti mereka, karena kita melampiaskan amarah kita kepada anak-anak kita.
Supporting Verse – Hai bapa-bapa, janganlah sakiti hati anakmu, supaya jangan tawar hatinya. Kolose 3:21 TB
Lebih baik teguran yang nyata-nyata dari pada kasih yang tersembunyi. Amsal 27:5 TB
Kebodohan melekat pada hati orang muda, tetapi tongkat didikan akan mengusir itu dari padanya Amsal 22:15 TB
A youngster’s heart is filled with foolishness, but physical discipline will drive it far away. Proverbs 22:15 NLT
Kalau memang anak kita belum tahu banyak, melakukan hal-hal yang tidak semestinya, mereka harus diajar dan kita sebagai orang tua harus berani mendisplinkan mereka. Disiplin adalah kata yang penting di dalam Parenting.
2. Pujian
Semua orang suka dipuji, bahkan hari-hari orang sampai mencari pujian, terutama di luar rumah karena di dalam rumah, mereka tidak menerima hal itu. Di Social Media, hal ini sampai begitu sinkron, sehingga ada istilah “likes for likes”. Pujian adalah seperti air yang mengalir di tanah yang kering.
Tuhan kita suka dipuji dan Dia bertahta di atas pujian-pujian umat-Nya. Kita dibuat serupa dan segambar dengan-Nya, jadi tidak heran kalau kita juga suka dipuji. Pujian kalau diberikan pada waktu yang tepat dengan cara yang benar akan menjadi seperti bahan bakar yang memberikan semangat.
Sangat mudah bagi orang tua untuk melihat yang negatif atau tidak baik dalam diri anak-anaknya, dan kemudian mengkritik mereka. tetapi untuk mencari hal yang baik dan positif, meskipun belum memenuhi standar yang kita mau, itu adalah hal yang luar biasa.
Banyak orang tua yang menuntuk anaknya tetapi tidak memberikan pujian disaat mereka melakukan sesuatu yang benar. Saya ingat akan cerita seorang anak yang selalu dibilang “bego oleh ayah-nya, terutama karena prestasi dia tidak baik seperti kakak-kakaknya. Anak ini begitu ingin dipuji seperti kakak-nya, dan dia belajar begitu keras agar bisa menyamai prestasi akademis kakaknya. Disaat dia mendapatkan rapport terakhir, dia pikir kali ini dia akan mendapat pujian, dan dengan gagah berani datang ke ayah-nya. Tetapi Ayah-nya masih saja marah karena ada beberapa mata pelajaran yang hanya mendapat nilai 9 dan tidak mencapai nilai sempurna (Nilai 10).
Sebagai orang tua, kita terkadang terlalu sulit untuk disenangkan, bukan berarti kita tidak boleh mengoreksi, tetapi koreksi bukan hanya sekedar menunjukkan kesalahan, tetapi mencontohkan bagaimana semestinya. Penelitan mengatakan bahwa 1 negative reinforcement sama bobotnya dengan 5 positive reinforcements, atau 5 pujian.
Praise is good for stimulating productivity – Robi Sonderegger.
Kita puji dan koreksi kelakuan-nya, tetapi kita selalu mencintai orang-nya. Yang kita puji dan koreksi adalah kelakuan-nya, tetapi kita selalu mencintai anak kita. Saya pernah mendengar seorang ibu yang marah dan berkata “bego” kepada anaknya di supermarket, dan saya bisa lihat secara mental bahwa anak ini langsung menciut. Anak itu sebenarnya tidak “bego”, tetapi kelakukan-nya saat itu tidak menyenangkan dan perlu dikoreksi, tetapi anak itu tetap harus dicintai.
Love should never be dependent on Behavior – Robi Sonderegger.
3. Hormat
Supporting Verse – Hormatilah ayahmu dan ibumu, supaya lanjut umurmu di tanah yang diberikan TUHAN, Allahmu, kepadamu. Keluaran 20:12 TB
Ini adalah Satu-satunya dari 10 perintah Allah yang mengandung “Janji“. Sering saya bertemu orang tua yang kesal karena anak-anak mereka tidak menghormati mereka. Salah satu alasan-nya adalah karena orang tua lupa untuk mencontohkan hormat kepada mereka. Hormat bukan hanya sekedar keatas tetapi juga kebawah.
Supporting Verse – Seperti salju di musim panas dan hujan pada waktu panen, demikian kehormatanpun tidak layak bagi orang bebal. Amsal 26:1 TB
Bagaimana mencotohkan Hormat? Sederhana saja, seperti halnya menetapi Janji, atau mendengarkan disaat orang lain berbicara. Lihat dan pandang dia, dan dengarkan dia dengan baik-baik, itulah Hormat. Di gereja ini, ada kebiasaan mencatat, mencatat adalah tanda bahwa kita mendengarkan dan menghormati.
Bukan hal yang mudah dan sulit untuk dilakukan, tetapi kita harus mencontohkan semua hal ini, respek harus kita berikan kepada orang yang berhak menerima-nya, terutama dengan orang tua kita. Hormat juga berarti bisa menempatkan diri kita disaat kita menemui generasi yang lebih tua daripada kita (Contoh : Memanggil dengan Bapak, Ibu, etc). Di Amerika, anak-anak bisa memanggil orang tua dengan nama panggilan, tidak ada lagi hormat disitu, bahkan dengan orang lain disaat usia bisa berbeda begitu jauh.
Learn to Honor, you will go far in life – Ps. Jeffrey Rachmat.
Anda tidak perlu kaya, banyak harta, macho, cantik atau ganteng untuk belajar disiplin dan hormat, belajarlah untuk menepati janji, mengakui kesalahan, memaafkan, mari kita reimagine our family, membayangkan ulang keluarga kita sebagaimana Firman katakan, agar muncul-nya generasi bintang dari tempat dan keluarga yang ada disini.
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